|
You want to handle my next commercial real
estate transaction? Then tell me specifically
why I should work with you and your company.
Why You Should Take A Tip From Zig Ziglar
And Apply It To Your Sales Letters
By: Ernest
Nicastro
In his
seminars and tapes world-class motivational speaker Zig
Ziglar always talks about the importance of having
meaningful, specific goals. And, he’ll drive home his point
with the rhetorical question, “What would you rather be in
life, a meaningful specific or a wandering generality?”
As
marketers
and business
owners if we want our direct mail
efforts to produce meaningful profitable results we
would do well to take action on Zig's rhetorical tip. But too many sales
letters are filled with platitudes, puffery and vague blather
about quality and service. And then, not surprisingly, when
a direct mail marketing professional approaches the company
about doing a project the typical response is, “Direct mail?
Nah, we tried that once, it doesn’t work for us.”
Nothing will
hold the attention of your reader and advance your selling
proposition as well as very specific and very relevant
features and benefits. This is true in a face-to-face sales
presentation and even truer when you’re selling on paper.
So, if you’re a commercial real estate broker with a large,
national organization don’t expect me to be in a big rush to
respond to your letter because: a. You’re with a big firm; b.
Your company works with some prominent local companies.
Instead, give me specific, relevant and meaningful features
and benefits. Because the fact that you're with a national
organization who does business with some large local
companies in and of itself is "ho-hum," "so-what?"
information. But if you offer me meaningful, specific and
relevant details that translate these facts into "reasons
why" benefit-oriented copy...then your letter has a fighting
chance of success. Then, I just may take your follow-up phone
call.
Now, let’s
take a look at, among other things, how well the writer of
the following letter uses the pulling power of meaningful
specifics.
Key:
Black = original text Red = Ernest’s
comments Blue = Ernest’s
Suggested Text
To
preserve privacy all names have been changed.
Mr. Frank
Farmer
SoftTools
Inc.
1389 NE
Fourth St., Ste. 1600
Bellevue, WA
98004
Dear Mr.
Farmer,
Few
decisions are as important to your company’s future success
as where you choose to locate your company and under what
parameters.
A
low-gear, generalized opening. Make sure you open your
letter in high gear and grab the attention of your reader.
Make it intriguing. Make it interesting. And quickly get
to a benefit. For example, if you or I had written that
letter, our opening might have looked something like this:
Ouch! Negotiating your property
lease in today’s market can be a painful and costly
experience. Can be -- but, it doesn’t have to be.
In defense of the original opening
the writer did start off with an immediate focus on the
prospect with 2 “yours” and a “you” in the opening line.
Good move.
Fewer
decisions still are as difficult to make and feel secure that
you made the right choice. And yet few
try another word business
decisions you will make can be made
“can be made” is passive
voice, seldom a good choice in a sales letter
with as much confidence as
relocation with the help of BKP Commercial Tenant
Advisory Services. That is because with BKP as your
exclusive representative, you can be assured you are not only
seeing all your options, you are entering into the most
economically favorable transaction.
All puffery. Nothing in this paragraph explains --
specifically -- what it is that’s supposed to give me such
confidence in BKP. How can I …why can I be assured
that I’m seeing all my options? Do you have a national
up-to-the-minute database of available space that can be
queried and searched by 187 different parameters? Then tell
me. The broker should tell the prospect, specifically, how
he does what he does and how the prospect benefits. Also,
economically favorable transaction sounds like the words
of an economist. The writer should use more conversational
language and replace the phrase with something like,
best possible deal.
After
salaries and wages, rent typically is your second largest
cost of doing business. That is one reason why last year TCI
West, Inc., Microsoft Corporation, Puget Power and many other
Eastside companies turned to BKP Commercial Tenant Advisory
Services as their exclusive representatives.
I’m pretty sure I know the point the writer is trying to make
with these two sentences but he doesn’t succeed. He needs to
insert the following sentence between them in order to make
it a logical, cohesive thought sequence that also clearly
communicates a benefit. So
it just makes good sense -- as well as dollars and cents -–
to have savvy, experienced negotiators working on your
behalf. We not only negotiate to the bottom line,
Specifically what does negotiate
to the bottom line mean? we saved them time and
helped them make good strategic decisions.
What exactly does the writer
mean by good strategic decisions. Give me an example, share a
success story with me, insert a testimonial. Summary: This
paragraph would benefit from tighter writing and a more
logical flow and -- you guessed it -- specific details.
We are proud
of our track record as the Eastside’s and the nation’s number
one commercial real estate brokerage firm.
You are? Great. But what is the benefit -- to me -- of your
pride and boasting? Gear your copy toward answering the most
important question your reader has: What’s in it for me?
Remember, when your prospect is reading your letter he or she
is tuned into WIIFM.
Enclosed
please find Stilted formal language
that reads like a legal document. I suggest
I’ve enclosed an informative
a one page synopsis instead of
synopsis call it a report
or
special report of the Eastside Office Market. If you
are in need of advice about your office facilities, please
call us or file this information for the time when you are.
If you are going to send a sales
letter always make some sort of meaningful offer. “Please
call us” and “file this information” are not offers. For more
information on crafting response-producing offers see my
article, How To Craft Stronger, More
Compelling Offers That Will Boost Response Rates.
This letter limps to the finish line with a very weak, almost
non-existent call to action. Suggestion: After the first
sentence, So, if you’ve got a lease
coming due take a moment right now to look over this
insightful report. Better yet, pick up the phone and give me
a call at 425-453-6292. Let’s set up a meeting to discuss
what it is you want and need in your next property lease
transaction and what BKP and I can do to help you get it.
Why not give me a call right now? I promise you, you’ll be
glad you did. No, this isn’t a
great close, great offer or call to action either. But it’s
better than what the writer of this letter currently
has.
Sincerely,
Ed Smith
BKP
Commercial
Real Estate
Group, Inc.
© 2007 Ernest Nicastro
About the author
Ernest Nicastro, a direct
marketing consultant, copywriter and lead-generation specialist,
heads up Positive Response, an award-winning marketing firm
specializing in B-to-B marketing and lead-generation. He also
publishes a free monthly newsletter,
AIM For Positive Response. For more information visit
http://www.positiveresponse.com. Contact Ernie directly at
ENicastro@positiveresponse.com or by phone at 614.747.2256.
You may reprint this article online
and in print -- with or without the critique component -- provided the links remain live and the content remains unaltered (including the "About the author" message).
If you would like a version of the article with a
"non-colorized" critique component please contact the author.
|
