How To Write An Attractive Sales Letter
That Attracts More Readers

By: Ernest Nicastro

Like it or not we live and work in a society where looks matter. And particularly in sales, appearance is important. For example, in a competitive situation, all else being equal, the appearance of the salesperson may very well be the deciding factor in who gets the business. And that may come down to the smallest of details, such as who had the better shine on his or her shoes.

Appearance is also an important factor in the success of your sales letter. And the marketer with a good mailing list, a good offer, good copy -- and who pays careful attention to how his letter looks…will have better results than the person who focuses solely on content, with no regard to how it’s presented.

This is akin to a master chef who slaves to produce a sumptuous meal and then dumps it on a paper plate and serves it up to you with no regard for its presentation. The meal would be every bit as delicious, but you might be the least bit hesitant about taking that first bite.  

Now let me be clear: your words are the heart and soul of your sales letter, and crucial to its success. So you want to do everything you can to make sure your prospect reads your words. That said, here are 5 tips for making your sales letter look more attractive. Put these tips to work and you’ll significantly increase the likelihood of your sales letter getting read -- and, most importantly, acted on.

Tip Number 1: Always use a reader-friendly typeface. Look at the major news magazines, such as Time and Newsweek and you’ll see that they use mostly serifed typefaces for their editorial content. (Serifs are the little knobs you see on the ascenders and descenders of individual letters.) That’s because typefaces with serifs (Times Roman, Courier, Century) can be read more easily than sans serif typefaces (Arial, Helvetica).

 

Tip Number 2: Make your first sentence a short sentence. The first line of your sales letter is the most important line in your entire letter. You’re at point-blank range with your prospect. So don’t blow your chances for success by starting off with some interminably long 20 - 30 word sentence. Here’s an example opening from my own files: “I know you’re busy so I’ll get right to the point.” Eleven words. I once wrote a sales letter that had an opening sentence that consisted of just one word. That word was, "Ouch!"

 

Tip Number 3: Limit the length of your paragraphs to between 5 and 7 lines. You want your letter to have an easy-to-read appearance to it. Because there are probably at least 14 other things that your prospect has to do that are seemingly more important to her than reading your letter.

 

So when she glances down at your letter the last thing she wants to see are fat, 10 -12 sentence paragraphs that look like a lot of work to read. I usually never go over 6 lines in any paragraph and I try to keep most between 1 and 5 lines. Also, always double-space between paragraphs.

 

Tip Number 4: Vary the length of your paragraphs. The last thing you want is for the layout of your letter to have a boring sameness to it. That’s why I advise that you often use the “print preview” mode on your word processor with an eye toward the overall look of your letter. You don’t want every paragraph to have 5 sentences; neither do you want every paragraph on page one to consist of only 3 sentences. Varying your paragraph length will make your letter look more interesting and appealing.

 

Tip Number 5: Set the body copy of your letter in 11-12 point type and use sub-heads, bullets and other call-out devices. Keep in mind the audience you are writing for. If you’re writing to young Gen-X computer programmers 11-point type is probably fine. On the other hand if you’re targeting the “mature” market you may want to consider using a 13-point type size.

 

Also, keep in mind that many people will scan your letter before making a decision to read it. That’s why centered, bold-faced sub-heads and other call-out devices can increase readership. Here are a couple of sub-head examples from a client letter I recently completed:

 Customer service so good you'll have to pinch

yourself to be sure you're not dreaming.

A special no-risk, no-obligation offer.

Sub-heads, bulleted lists, underlining, and other devices can help you attract attention to key parts of your letter. But take care to use these devices sparingly. Overuse of them can negate their effectiveness.

Yes, like it or not, looks matter. Attractive people get more looks and longer looks. The same holds true for your sales letters and for that matter all your marketing collateral. Apply these 5 tips and you’ll make your sales letters more attractive, attract more readers, and, generate more leads and sales.

Now, let’s see how these and other tips can benefit the following letter.

Key: Black = original text  Red = Ernest's comments  Blue = Ernest's Suggested Text

To preserve privacy all names have been changed.

Mr. John Johnson

U.S. Technology Systems

9627 Pagewood Lane, Ste. 400

Houston, TX 77063

Dear Mr. Johnson,

The Words like “the” and “it” are among the least involving, least effective words you can possibly use to open a sales letter. Keep working on your opening until you can come up with a better word.  Federal Government operates in an information intensive environment, and an increased capacity to share information and operate across technology platforms is paramount. What’s the point?  This declarative third-person statement has little value as an attention-grabber and offers no real motivation to continue reading. When writing your sales letter opening ask yourself, “If this were a face-to-face sales presentation, would I talk this way?”

Unlike the personal computing market that has standardized on Microsoft Windows, the enterprise environment within the Federal Government has no common operating system standard, and is plagued with fragmentation. Long, rambling 29-word sentence. And what exactly does the writer mean by “plagued with fragmentation.” Plus, the writer has yet to speak directly to the prospect. Remember the words of copywriter Malcolm Decker: “The sales letter is the pen-and-ink embodiment of the salesperson who is talking personally and directly to the prospect on a on-to-one basis.”

In addition, it is heavily invested in legacy applications and is pressured to adopt new technologies such as Java and web-enabled applications. Given your 76 words into the letter and we have our first “you” language. Way too late. objective to define an “interoperable” Federal information architecture that supports government missions, it is likely you have studied these needs in depth and are investigating possible solutions. Another long sentence with lots of multisyllabic words. Here’s a tip. When writing your letter make sure you stop occasionally and read out loud what you’ve written. If your words don’t flow “trippingly off the tongue” keep rewriting until they do. That is why I am sending you this letter. 

Suggested rewrite: One-sentence opening paragraph. Am I right about you? Then, double-space and a new paragraph. 1. You’re an IS professional facing a major challenge: How to share an ever-increasing amount of critical information across non-standardized operating platforms. Then, single-space and directly underneath: 2. Despite a substantial investment in legacy applications you feel the pressure to adopt new technologies such as Java and web-enabled applications. New paragraph: If these two points ring true with you then you’re probably hard at work investigating possible solutions. And that’s why you’ve received this letter. Because I very well may have the solution you’re looking for.

The new copy starts off talking directly to the prospect with an intriguing question. Then, hits home with 2 points that the prospect will likely be able to relate to and tells the prospect we probably have the solution. Plus, the “look” of these opening paragraphs will be much more inviting to the reader than the 9-sentence paragraph of blocked (justified) text of the original.

Norstar Corporation has developed commercial-off-the-shelf “Commercial” should not be included with the hyphenated “off-the-shelf.” In fact, the word commercial is not necessary. If they’re “off-the-shelf” then they’re obviously commercial products.” products to integrate enterprise computing and supply a universal common desktop environment that connects major platforms such as IBM, SUN, HP, SGI, SCO UnixWare, Windows NT, and Windows 95. This is a major benefit.  But again, the sentence is overly long (34 words), lacks a certain zip and doesn’t talk directly to the prospect.

Suggested rewrite: Norstar Corporation’s powerful new off-the-shelf product line makes it possible for you to integrate your entire computing enterprise within a universal desktop environment! One that will connect virtually every major platform on the market, including IBM, Sun, HP, SGI, UnixWare, Windows NT and Windows 95. The Norstar Enterprise Desktop product line provides a fully integrated environment to allow Instead of the “permission granting” phrasing of “allow” I suggest using the enabling language of “enables you to” or “makes it possible for you to.” single-action access to all network resources and applications regardless of the client architecture.

Suggested rewrite. Best of all, Norstar’s Enterprise Desktop product line will give you and your users a new sense of freedom and power. Because no matter what your client architecture is…you’ll operate in a fully integrated environment that enables single-action access to all network resources and applications.

For example, Good phrasing. an agency currently running mission critical applications on a UNIX-based workstation or server can use applications such as Microsoft Office from the same computer. Good example. Would be even better if the writer pointed out the benefits as well, such as, time-savings, productivity increases, etc.

Also incorporated in the Norstar products are user friendly tools such as If you are going to have a long list like this a colon should follow “as.” drag-and-drop capabilities, point-and-click application launching, multiple workspaces, security, applications gathering, file sharing, an integrated browser and several other tools to increase user productivity. Good, specific, benefit-oriented language. Moreover, Too formal and proper-sounding. My suggestion: What’s more, the common desktop environment inherent in the Norstar products are the same across all major UNIX and Windows platforms.

Summary: The writer starts to “pick up steam” in this paragraph and does a reasonably good job of articulating benefits. One negative: The original version of this paragraph is 12 lines long.

Your role to lead and direct the strategic management of Federal IT resources, and to coordinate IT challenges that cross agency boundaries is an awesome good word responsibility, and I appreciate the time you have spent reading this letter. What does one (awesome responsibility) have to do with the other (appreciation for reading the letter)? Plus, this is yet another sentence that is way too long. Suggested rewrite: You are faced with daunting technological challenges and awesome responsibilities. But you don’t have to face them alone. Norstar can help you.

I have enclosed a packet of information on the Norstar products for your review, and a demonstration is available upon request. I will follow-up with you in the near future in hopes to Wrong word; the writer meant to write “of.” Reading the entire letter out loud, which you should always do, would have caught this. setting up a meeting to discuss these products in more detail. In the interim, you can reach me at 703-758-7374.  I look forward to hearing from you.

Sadly, as is the case with many of the “do-it-yourself” small business sales letters I receive, this one has no real OFFER of any kind. Once again I repeat the age-old direct mail marketing formula: List = 40% of your success. Offer = 40% of your success. Copy = 20% of your success. Ignore this formula at your own peril.

Sincerely,

Johnson Higgins

Vice President

P.S. No P.S. in the letter. The P.S. would be a good spot to sell the prospect on looking at the additional enclosed information. Here’s how the writer might go about it: Why not take a couple of minutes right now to review the enclosed information? Find out more about how Norstar’s powerful new user-friendly products can make everyone in your organization more productive, efficient and effective. Then give me a call and let’s talk.

© 2006 Ernest Nicastro

About the author
Ernest Nicastro, a direct marketing consultant, copywriter and lead-generation specialist, heads up Positive Response, an award-winning marketing firm specializing in B-to-B marketing and lead-generation. He also publishes a free monthly newsletter, AIM For Positive Response. For more information visit http://www.positiveresponse.com. Contact Ernie directly at ENicastro@positiveresponse.com or by phone at 614.747.2256.

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